How to get out of a negative spiral
Do you recognise sometimes the feeling of being lost in a dark hole of self-doubt, limitation, problems and no sight of solutions?
I’m sure you do because it happens to ALL of us. The question is not how to stop it from happening as that is inevitable, especially when we are in a transitioning phase where we’re being called to level-up either at work, relationally or any other way. The question is rather how to learn to notice it in time so that we can get out of as quickly as possible.
When we don’t notice that we are deep in negativity we can easily get swallowed by it, and then we end up spending the whole day, if not days, under it. This means using up valuable time and energy which we could be easily putting towards doing something we care about, like creating in our business, or enjoying life with the people around us.
The subconscious patterns of negative beliefs
Number one reason why people fail to succeed in getting what they want is being stuck in negative and self-limiting thoughts that end up consuming their time and energy.
These self-limiting thoughts are patterns of thoughts, that with repetition have turned into beliefs. These thoughts are either come from events we experienced or things we heard below the age of seven mostly, which happened often enough for us to form a belief around them. We were either modelled these beliefs from our parents, culture and society at large, which with repetition became imprinted on to the subconscious part of our brains as ‘the truth’.
An example is a self-limiting belief such as ‘I can’t succeed in having my own business because I don’t have the qualities of an entrepreneur’ which you may picked that up from not doing great in school perhaps. Another one could be ‘It doesn’t matter if I try, people like me don’t get ahead anyway’, messaging you got from your family or community, or ‘even if I try/work hard/speak my mind nobody will care about what I have to say’, after being put down as a child and not been given the appropriate attention or mentorship.
What is a negative spiral
Often when we take a step towards upgrading in an area of our lives, like say we go after a better job, or we ask for a raise, or we want to launch our own business, find ourselves a new community of friends, or a new partner, these subconscious patterns are most likely to appear.
This happens because the brain with its programs from it’s past experiences simply wants to protect us, so by throwing in memories from the past (where these beliefs have been reinforced/solidified) it’s a mechanism to keep you safe from the disappointment/pain/shame/heartbreak of potential failure.
Anyone would agree that failure is not something that goes down well in our society. From a young age we are being taught that failure is final and forever, we don’t learn that it is really through trial and error that we get to pursue our best lives.
Sometimes events trigger negative thoughts that can last for hours, days and even longer. This is how people end up being depressed and stuck in getting temporary relief through all sorts of addictions (food, work, alcohol, social media etc.)
Learning to recognise these events that trigger negative thoughts is a very valuable skill, as the moment you realise that something has triggered a self-limiting belief you immediately take away some of it’s power; it becomes clear that it’s not really real anymore, but rather induced.
With persistently letting go of the emotions triggered you can neutralise the spiral’s power completely, and that’s when you get to free yourself and carry on with your life!
How to get out of it
Step one · catch the negativity
First thing to do to move through a negative spiral is to notice it. Are you being unusually low, angry, sad, snappy, giving out to everyone, everything is bothering you, maybe you’re plagued by self-doubt, fear for the future, guilt about the past..so many forms of negative thoughts and subsequent behaviours can arise. Learning to pick up the signs is important in becoming clear that you are indeed in a negative spiral.
Ask yourself, what behaviour of mine is a sign of a negative spiral? For me it’s usually extreme irritability, self-doubting about decisions I have to make, and guilt-tripping myself for past experiences. Every time you catch yourself, make a mental note, or write the incident down. With time you will recognise what is happening to you way faster.
Step two · accept it & forgive yourself
Yes you read that right, accept it! Don’t resist it. Say yes I’m full of negativity right now, it’s true. With that you may experience the energy of the negative thoughts, which often are emotions triggered due to a painful past experience or memory. Feel the feelings, don’t run away! Take some time for yourself, feel your body, allow for the energy to flow through; this is all it is, energy in motion. For more on how to cope with difficult emotions read this.
By accepting it and feeling the feelings you free yourself to move on to the next step, which is to change your state.
Before you do that though, make sure you forgive yourself for being in this negative state. It’s not your fault, it’s just the subconscious patterns you are running in the background, which you are working hard to change.
Step three · is it true?
Whatever the situation, self-limiting thought, belief that is running in your head and is causing the spiral, ask yourself, is it really true or am I making this perspective up by having assumptions about what happened?
So often we make a situation up out of nothing exactly due to our subconscious programming. We may see an attack when someone is being a certain way, or a rejection, or we may feel inadequate, unworthy, unloved - all the things we may missed in our childhoods that have created some of these negative patterns that run us sometimes. Recognise that what you are feeling or the story that you have in your mind may not be entirely true.
Be open to consider another version, a more positive one this time. This is not to please others, you don’t even have to share this process with them. It’s about you feeling freer in your being. It’s also an act of forgiveness towards others, because we realise that there is nothing someone can really do to us to make us feel bad, it’s all about what we tell ourselves.
When we let go of the grudge, the emotions attached to a story, we create space within. That’s where we want to get to, so ask yourself, is it really true the story I have in my mind about this particular situation?
Step four · how is this affecting my life at large?
It may be that the situation that is causing the spiral is more severe and you have difficulties telling if it’s true or not. In this case, ask yourself the above question. It’s possible that you make the situation feel more serious than it is. By putting it in perspective with the larger view of life, it will help you to more easily let go and move on to the next step, which is shifting to a more positive mindset.
Step five · shift to positivity
Once you’ve managed to put some perspective into the story and forgive yourself and anyone involved that has caused you to go into the spiral, you need to go firmly into a more positive state.
The best way to do this is to feel grateful for all the things in your life that make you feel good. Take pen and paper and write down all the things, people, situations in your life right now that you feel grateful for.
Another great thing to do is the letting go meditation.
Finally, some shaking and dancing around to uplifting music is always a good idea to move some energy and shift your state of mind. When I’m down and want to shift my energy I like shaking to these drums.
TIP
Often negativity strikes first thing in the morning when you wake up and also just before you sleep. This is when the brain operates in the low frequencies (alpha and delta, as opposed to the awake beta state) where is when we can access the subconscious and its limiting programs.
It’s important to catch this when it happens, as it can get you down and you don’t want to start your day like this. Having a morning practice that elevates you to prepare for the day is a great idea.
To go deeper into self-awareness and how to develop more your sense of inner awareness for a freer state of being throughout you day read more here.
ABOUT ELENA ZOE
Welcome to my online portal!
I am a former Googler reborn as conscious & self-aware living advocate.
I’m a speaker, writer and coach passionate about helping people live their best lives by tapping into the Source of their truth, power and true desire.
I offer individual mentoring, I guide online programs for groups, and I lead transformational expeditions in nature.
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