5 Steps to re-write your story
There may come a point in your life when you start questioning everything.
Why do you do what you do?
Why have you made the choices you have?
Do you really want to live like you do?
Most people would have immediate answers to these questions. Like because I’m from X, I grew up with parents that did Y, and I went to university studying Z. Because it’s not easy to do something else, people like me don’t have as many opportunities as others, I’m too old/young to try something new, too inexperienced/overqualified for something else, and the list goes on. And on. And on.
All these reasons we come up for living a certain way without making an effort to change it, is also called negative self-talk. This is talk that we tell ourselves in our heads, that are limiting us from acting towards change. This self-talk has been repeating in our minds over and over again, and eventually has become what we believe about ourselves, who we are and what is possible or not for us.
What we tell ourselves, becomes what we believe.
My negative self-talk story
I went through a big part of my life telling myself all kinds of limiting stories. Most prevalent for me was that life was too hard and that I didn’t have the support system (money or community) required to be more successful or fulfilled; that I was one of those people that just have to suffer in life doing something they don’t love, because ‘that’s work, you’re not supposed to like it’ - a line I remember hearing a lot when I was growing up in my family.
Other limiting beliefs I picked up from my environment were about my relationships, about how men are, about how women are, that I shouldn’t trust people, that people always have an agenda, that I had less chances in life because I lived in a foreign country and had no community around me, that I was a woman…
No wonder I grew up believing all of this, and therefore I manifested it in my reality as an adult. I settled for doing work I didn’t love because I believed that was normal for someone like me. I kept having a lot of trouble with my relationships, either romantic or friendships, and I steered away from even considering doing something other than business in technology companies, because I thought my chances were limited to my background and already chosen path.
Now of course, until you actually change things, like what you tell yourself, the environment you’re spending your time in and the activities you put on your plate, what you believe is your reality.
But how do you even realise that you can tell yourself a different story?
By reading this article you are already in the process of opening up to the possibility of re-writing your own story. Which brings me to point number one:
Step 1: recognise in others what you want for yourself
You need to be open about being inspired by people who have walked the path you would like to walk too.
It is important to have empowering role models, of people who have done what we thought was impossible or too hard. Instead of jumping in to condemn or criticise something or someone who has done something different to what we’re doing, and they have a better life quality as a result, you need to have the courage to recognise the positive elements in this person that you actually admire.
A lot of people out there will immediate start judging or putting down others who have achieved more than they have. It is a very common defence mechanism against feeling negative about their own selves and their choices that have led to the current situation.
I’ve been there, you’ve been there, we’ve all been there. But we don’t need to stay there.
Next time someone triggers you with their life story, choices, accomplishments, qualities, instead of giving in to the auto-pilot of judging and negative self-talk (justifying why they may have what they have because of life, luck, inheritance, all reasons why life was easier for them and it’s not the same for you), take a moment to shift your energy from negative to positive.
What positive qualities can you see in this person and her story? What parts of him do you find inspiring? Which qualities does she have that you would like to have too? By identifying these you create your own powerful transmission.
Instead of putting someone down, elevate them instead, and with that, you elevate yourself.
Step 2: Learn to accept yourself and your Past as it is
The next part is about examining your life so far and becoming aware of the major events that made you who you are today, that led to you having the life you do. Even if it may look like you’ve taken ‘the wrong path’ - a career that doesn’t resonate, failed relationships, having spent too much time being inactive, there is a common thread that links all the choices you’ve made. That is your true identity, your soul, your spirit, your true self, guiding you along the way.
You might say, why did my soul make me go down that path if it wasn’t the right one for me?
By looking into the major events in your life, the decisions that changed everything, the incidents that caused you to take a certain direction, you start noticing all the qualities and personal strengths you developed as a result.
In my case for example, I spent a long time feeling down for having ‘lost so much of my life’ doing work that didn’t light me up, that dimmed my spirit. But the truth is, by going down that path I developed my character, my strengths, my qualities and personality traits, that if I hadn’t gone down that path maybe I wouldn’t have. I realise now everything I went through, all the ‘bad decisions’, all the people, situations, things that were part of my journey so far have brought me in this very moment writing about how to re-write your own story and create the life you really want for yourself!
Go back and analyse your story, bit by bit. What did you learn from every part? Who did you meet, what did you get to do that helped you grow, move forward, be where you are now? The journey of transformation and finding your purpose is not linear, or pretty. It’s messy! It has twists and turns, drama and confusion. In the end it’s all part of the journey, and it’s what makes life interesting.
I see a lot of people who have taken a direction towards a career they don’t like feeling restricted thinking that they’ve spent so long doing that, that they’ve missed the boat.
The truth couldn’t be further away! It is NEVER too late to make a change, to write a new story for yourself.
Step 3: Create a vision for yourself
The next step is to actually envision the story that you want for yourself.
How do you want to be seen, or remembered?
What is the impact you wish to make in the world?
What are the joys and pleasures you wish to have in your life?
A powerful exercise I use myself is to write my own bio as I would want to see it in a magazine or event program. It doesn’t matter what the work you want to do is, whether you want to be famous or not, or the kind of success you want for yourself, just write how you’d like others to see you. In the beginning this exercise can be tough as all your limiting negative self-talk will come up to haunt you. This is normal, and as long as you have the awareness that this is just your negative programming and all you need to do is keep re-writing it by focusing on what you do want, how you want to be seen and how you want to feel, bit by bit it will start to change into the one you choose for yourself.
You need to push through the negative thoughts, and no matter how uncomfortable you need to let yourself be free to dream of the most desired version of yourself.
Step 4: Tell yourself the new story all the time everyday
Once you have a new story that feels more in line with what you desire, you need to tell it to yourself ALL the time.
Every morning when you wake up write it in your journal. Again and again. Every night when you go to bed, play it out in your head as you fall asleep. See yourself as the person you choose, imagine your life as you want it, feel the energy of the version of yourself you want to become, the confidence, the ease, the style, whatever it is.
Note that you can change your desired story as many times as you like! Little by little this new story will be more and more refined, and eventually you will know the core essence of it. Your purpose will shine through all the previously self-imposed limitations and you will channel your true self into their world.
Step 5: Place yourself in a supportive environment
This might be the most important step in the process of becoming who you really want to be.
The people you surround yourself can either hinder or support your transformation. Typically the people from your past who know you as you are may not be so supportive of you changing. This is explained easily by the fact that when you do change they might ‘lose’ you, as you may go off doing other things, and not simply not have the same interests anymore.
Here’s where you need to ask yourself, what is more important to you, become who you want to be or stay the same so that you don’t hurt other people’s feelings or shake their reality?
The people who truly love you and appreciate you will support you and stay by your side no matter who you become, because they love you for who you truly are in the core.
Sometimes when we want to change, we may be triggering people around us who simply don’t want to change. These people may then want to keep us away from changing, because that safeguards their own comfort zone. It is a good idea to distance yourself from these people, or otherwise you will find having to either defend yourself and your choices or be distracted from doing the things that will really propel you towards the direction that you want to go to.
Surround yourself with people who support your choices and want the best for you, no matter what that means for them.
Do you need support in re-writing your story?
Perhaps you’ve invested a lot of time and resources in a career that doesn’t resonate anymore, you want to make a change and are looking for guidance to go about your transformation.
Or maybe you are currently growing your own business as an entrepreneur and are stumbling upon roadblocks that are keeping you from making the next step.
To know more about how we can work together to get clarity, remove blocks and make an action plan to accomplish your goals send me a message here.
ABOUT ELENA ZOE
Welcome to my online portal!
I am a former Googler reborn as conscious & self-aware living advocate.
I’m a speaker, writer and coach passionate about helping people live their best lives by tapping into the Source of their truth, power and true desire.
I offer individual mentoring and online programs, and I lead transformational expeditions in nature.
Read more about my story here.
Send me a message here.
Subscribe to my newsletter here.
Connect with me on social media: