Lockdown living · how to break negativity and end suffering
Welcome to the second post from this month’s Thriving on Lockdown series. In last week’s post I wrote about the 3 phases of lockdown living and how from each one we can choose to see the hidden treasure that lies beneath the discomfort we are experiencing right now. This week I’m going deep into phase 1 and the suffering/negativity phase.
This phase can be the trickiest of all for the main reason that a lot of people don’t want to admit to themselves that they are actually suffering. This is the most common way of choosing to ignore your emotions in the hope that in doing so they will disappear. The bad news is that not only your emotions won’t disappear but when left unresolved, unfelt and numbed out they will end up causing even more discomfort and overwhelm.
If you are someone who thinks ‘you’re always fine’ or you’re always cool with everything, chances are you’re suppressing your emotions. No one ever can be fine with everything, the purpose of being here in human form is not to be fine with everything. We are meant to experience our emotions, but because we never learned how to do that, because we were often not allowed to feel our emotions as children - and in many cases we were even shamed for having emotions (“don’t be angry, don’t cry, don’t this and that”) - we have completely disowned them to the point that we either don’t know how to deal with them, or we don’t feel them at all.
Now this is a problem because dealing with emotions is the most human thing of our nature. Emotion is our experience. There is no experience without emotion. Emotion is linked to thought. Every thought triggers an emotion, and every emotion triggers thoughts. Sensations in the body trigger emotions, and therefore thoughts, and the other way around.
Simply put, we cannot exist without our emotions. Our emotions act as our guidance system. When we are experiencing them we attribute meaning to them, and this informs the way we see the world, the decisions we make and how we go about our lives.
if you know you are suffering right now
By suffering here I mean overwhelming discomfort, either felt in the body or mentally to the point that it dominates your experience right now.
When felt in the body this may feel like anxiety, increased heart rate, tension in many parts of the body, even pain, short breath. This feeling like you can’t find solace in anything. This is actually a great place to be because feeling these sensations in the body means you have an immediate opportunity to release this energy. (as opposed to having to dig in to find it buried under thought patterns like complaining and numbing through addiction)
I’ve written about this extensively before in how to cope with isolation, restriction and fear during quarantine and the process of feeling your emotions, accepting them, allowing them, and finally letting them go.
when you don’t know if you are suffering (but you’re being negative)
However if you don’t necessarily feel the discomfort in your body, but you feel it in your thoughts - for example having negative thoughts about everything, constantly thinking about how hard it is right now, complaining about the situation - you got to start breaking these patterns and shift your mindset so that you can actually move forward instead of being stuck here.
The treasure of this moment for you is that this pattern you’re in triggered right now by the lockdown (going into negativity and/or complaining) is probably not new. It is a pattern that you normally go into when faced with challenging circumstances, and by opening yourself up to this new awareness you have a monumental opportunity to now break it.
Follow these steps to break this negative loop pattern:
Step 1
List everything that is causing you discomfort or difficulty right now, go all out and feel the emotions that come with all these things. This is your opportunity to be as negative as you want, and complain the hell out of the situation you’re in. You’re allowed! Give yourself permission, let it take you all the time it needs to take so that you empty out here.
Do not skip this step before you go to the next. Often we’re told to “just be positive”, or ‘don’t be so negative” and carry on with life when difficult things happen, but this is another way of suppression. You need to give yourself the opportunity to feel the emotions that are behind this behaviour before you move on.
Step 2
Take a deep breath, sigh it out. Ask yourself this:
What are the benefits of being negative about my situation and/or complaining all the time?
What do I gain from being in this mindset? (“life is so hard right now”)
Allow yourself to come up with some answers to this. Be honest with yourself and welcome insights that may be different to your usual mind chatter.
Step 3
How would you want to feel instead?
Ask yourself, what is it that you want to experience right now, that you feel like you can’t. A great example, is freedom. Many people say, and feel, like they’re not free right now because they can’t travel, because they can’t go out etc.
While this may be true, that we can’t do these things, does it really mean we’re not free? What is freedom? How do you feel freedom in your body? What things you do make you feel this in your body? Which of these things are available to you right now?
Step 4
Taking it even further - what action can you take right now to change your circumstances so that you feel more of what you miss?
When I found myself in this suffering phase back in March 2020, along with doing extensive work in releasing emotions, I also busted my ass to take action towards changing my circumstances. As a result, Joren and I ended up buying our first home and renovated it all summer, leading to now spending a very comfortable and (almost) enjoyable lockdown life focusing on making the most out of this time by growing our businesses and working on our health and self-discipline practices.
Other examples can be wanting to feel peace, or calm, connection, contribution, growth. All very valid.
But is true that the only way to have these is with the old way of living (pre-lockdown)?
If you are experiencing major issues in your business right now, what are some of the ways you can adapt to the current climate? How can you work to turn your business bulletproof for the future?
This is a time to become resourceful, to grow out of the barriers of the mind and expand your awareness of yourself and the world. It is time to see opportunity through the restriction, and open up to new ways of being, working and creating.
This month I will talk about how to thrive on lockdown and these three phases here on the blog, so subscribe to my newsletter to stay informed. New post comes out every Tuesday.
Follow along on instagram and facebook.
Join my private women’s FB group where I’ll be going live weekly starting this Thursday at 8pm CET. This week I will talk about getting out of the suffering phase and guide a practice to release your emotions so that you can open up to the opportunity that lies in this moment for you.
If you need support and discuss a coaching journey together, you can reach out to me here.