Self-quarantine · coping with isolation, restriction and fear

It’s day 8 since the imposed lockdown took place here in Amsterdam (and the rest of Europe and beyond) and I’m just coming back to my natural rhythm after, what has been for me personally, a very intense week.

We all lead uniquely complicated lives, have different needs and face different challenges. For some, this has been a time of rest, being forced to stay in and stop doing, inevitably be given a chance for introspection, or space for creation, starting a new project, delving into books that have been sitting there for a while unopened, or finally getting to do things we’ve been postponing, like writing, or clearing up the house.

For others, this may be a time of turmoil. What has not been working very well from before, may very well be highlighted right now due to the restriction of movement, work possibilities, and socialising. In the case of work, for those of us running businesses or being self-employed this can be a very tough time of uncertainty, and I’ve personally been feeling this a lot in the last week. Being forced to work from home, can intensify existing issues at home; for me this has been a major reason behind the turmoil as Joren and I live in a small apartment in the middle of the city with very little soundproofing..thus being here all day surrounded by so many people and a constant stream of children at the play ground outside our windows has been unbearable, not only to work in, but to just be.

If you are part of the first group I totally envy you! For those of you having a hard time right now, navigating a situation that comes with many apparent difficulties, this post is for you.

Irritability, reactivity and projecting emotions

I’ve been a very easily irritable person all my life, with many things causing me distress - from noise, to people crossing my boundaries, people complaining…especially a few years ago while living and working in offices in London, there were so many things that bothered me at some point that life had become unbearable. In the end I started experiencing panic attacks. Specifically, three of them in a period of about a year. The last one was so severe that I didn’t leave my house for two weeks, recovering from the impact it had on my body. I remember it felt like a massive shock to my system, one that left me feeling numb and emptied out. In case you don’t know what a panic attack is, think of a state of totally losing sense of reality, feeling like you can’t breathe, and that the world is collapsing on you..all that lasting for a few minutes, which I personally experienced as an eternity. Coming out of this, though it was quite traumatic, it was also extremely relieving. I’m not saying I wish I had such a panic attack again, definitely not, but what I learned from it was that I had been carrying so much energy in the form of suppressed and repressed emotions that in the end my nervous system just couldn’t handle the buildup, ending up in a big flush in the form of such an event.

As a result of this panic attack, I started spending time alone, staying home way more than before, feeling uninterested to go out to meet people, something that before I would do all the time, as a way to not be alone. And that’s because when I was alone, I used to feel really unwell; all my insecurities would come up to haunt me, thoughts and feelings about being lonely, cut off from the world, unloved and uncared for. Going out and socialising all the time was a way to escape these feelings, and although it worked, for a while, these feelings wouldn’t go away. Instead, they kept piling up inside, making me increasingly more irritable and reactive, to anything. In the end, the glass was so full that is simply overfilled.

If you’ve been to a place like this, of being constantly irritated and reactive to anything, then you know the impact this has to your relationships. Everything bothers you, and your state of being is transmitted to people around you; friends, colleagues, your partner if you have one, or to your dates, or explaining perhaps the lack thereof. The state of our emotional body, like everything else in the universe, is a frequency, a certain energy that we emit, and picked up by people around us. This explains why we like some people, and others not. We sense certain energies from others and according to that we decide whether we want to be close to them or not.

Emptying your cup

Since experiencing that panic attack my life has totally changed, and I attribute this to that event, this big flush of emotional energy that was blocking me inside. This sudden emptying allowed for clarity, things started landing, insights about how the way I lived my life wasn’t serving me and my wellbeing. My transformation journey started from that time, and since then I’ve been exploring a myriad ways of coping with my emotions, emptying my cup. Now, for someone with my moon and rising sign in Cancer, I can tell you that my emotions can be so intense, and very easily I can lose myself in the shadow of that sensitivity. Too many times I’ve experienced this, and it’s been an ongoing journey of constantly having to bring myself back to observing and feeling, rather than identifying with my emotions. Much easier said than done, although it is a muscle that can be trained; we do have the ability to notice our emotions, allow for them, and therefore in that way neutralise them as opposed to be totally overtaken by them, which keeps us in a loop. Because it is when we are completely paralysed by our emotions that we suffer, or end up making bad choices - from all kinds of addiction, to clinging on to others, and all other forms of self-sabotage.

This last week was a prime example of this for me, the sudden restriction of having to stay in our small, super noisy apartment, coupled with the urgency of having to pivot my business to more online offerings (instead of seeing this lockdown as time off) triggered all kinds of near-hysteric irritability, reactivity and fear in me. I’m no stranger to these emotions; although I’ve made massive progress in terms of coping with my emotions in the last few years, and that has taken me so far as to completely change my life’s direction, still, a lifetime’s worth of inability to embrace my emotions is still lingering in the form of suppressed energy in my body, that is in turn triggered with external things like noise, lack of space, lack of freedom, uncertainty over the future, other people’s heavy energies or needs that I don’t have the energy or will to fulfil.

Ways that I cope with my emotions in this self-quarantine period of restrictions

I’m not going to lie, it’s been a very tough week! At times like these I feel so grateful for Joren who lives with me while I de-code what is happening before I come to realise what I need to do. Which is the below:

Safeguarding my energy

Taking care of myself is my number one priority these days, and this means all the radical self-care I can commit to on a daily basis.

Things like being diligent with my morning routine, which I know for sure makes me feel good, clearing up my subconscious of all the programming that keeps these emotions running over and over again, and at the same time cleansing my field of this stuck energies. Dry brushing, cold shower, breath practice and journaling my thoughts are everyday musts for me.
Choosing to eat and drink the best quality foods, also supporting my immunity and keeping my spirits high. I’m staying away from all kinds of sugar, dairy and grains, and I’m focusing on consuming mainly cooked vegetables with minimal top quality meat and eggs, and lots of broths, herbal teas and celery, lemon, ginger juices. On new and full moon, to support the natural detoxification process that happens on these days I go on the green cleanse.
Taking as much space as I can by going out for walks and bike rides (while staying at least 1.5m away from passerby’s and not touching anything) plus making a schedule to drive to the beach or the forest every three days with Joren. Escaping to nature is the way to go, and this entire situation is totally reinforcing my longing to live closer to nature in the near future.
Movement, sweating and dancing - it’s not the easiest to do all this in a small living space but it’s oh so important to shift energy and feel lighter. I like to shake a lot, with feet flat on the ground at all times, and small but very fast bouncing with bending the knees to the sounds of the tabla on this perfectly timed 5min song by White Sun. You’d be amazed how much you can sweat with just 5min of intense shaking..it’s incredible and highly effective.
Setting clear boundaries with people that have a negative impact on me with their excess fear, negativity or needs at this time. Whether that is the news, or all kinds of media panic, a lot of people are impacted right now emotionally and are projecting this onto others. I make sure I steer away from anyone that I’m sensing is doing this with me. Including family. You don’t need to take on other people’s fear and panic right now, all you need to do is take care of yourself, at least first, before you go on to support others.
Practicing my protection meditation to contain my own energy, and shield my energetic field from other people’s energies by grounding and expanding my awareness. This is something I do daily, and I’m planning to share it with you on an IGTV and my new facebook group on a LIVE soon.

Allowing and embracing the emotions that come up

This lockdown, with all the restrictions that is comes with, causing mayhem for many of us, is also a huge opportunity for uncovering and healing all those emotions that we have suppressed, repressed or escaped since time immemorial. It is a big wakeup call that is forcing us to look at ourselves, go inwards and feel ourselves, and make the necessary changes in order to live more in alignment with our true values.

Doing the work to allow for the emotions that are triggered for me without judging them or projecting them on to others is transformationally healing for me, and I know because I have been through this before, and I know what comes with emptying my cup - tremendous freedom and clarity of mind to create the life that I want.

So in practical terms, when something is irritating me, like noise for example, instead of freaking out about it (which I’m doing anyway about half of the times) the other half of the times I’m trying to a)tune in to my body and b)sense this irritation and the emotion that sits behind it. Then c)by focusing on this emotion, and d)allowing it to intensify instead of resisting it, I end up e)feeling it entirely which sometimes means full blown tears accompanied by a memory from my childhood when I first felt this emotion but at the time I wasn’t able to allow it (because I wasn’t shown that from my caregivers - most of us grow up without being taught how to do this, all we are told is to not feel our emotions and as a result we suppress them and then they end up haunting us all our lives).

Here’s a summary of these steps:

tune into your body
sense what you’re feeling and the emotion that is behind it
focus on the emotion and allow it to intensify
feel this emotion fully
let it go and feel the opening or lightness that comes with this letting go

A new way of being and living

This process of allowing for emotions is to me a whole new way of being and living, as opposed to something I need to do to feel better for a given period of time; unlearning how to suppress, repress and escape, and instead feel, allow and let go.

As with any process of healing and transformation, things are not going to change from one day to the other, but they will change gradually and over time. By continuously changing the way we approach things, become more and more aware of our bodies and feelings we become increasingly more capable of consciously responding as opposed to unconsciously reacting. With time, our lives get calmer and eventually happier and stress-free without even noticing it until someone points out how much better we look, healthier and happier.

Your questions

I’m all ears and eyes to read your comments, thoughts and questions on this topic, as well as any concern you have with coping in these tumultuous times. Write to me in the comments below, on instagram or send me a message. I’d love to offer my support to anyone that is dealing with these issues at the moment.

Lastly, you are warmly invited to join the new LOS Live Facebook group where I will be posting videos and lives on the topics of my blogposts, meditations I offer and the various practices that I write about.

Stay calm, safe and healthy everyone, we will get through this!

ABOUT ELENA ZOE

Welcome to my online portal!

I am a former Googler reborn as conscious & self-aware living advocate.

I’m a speaker, writer and coach passionate about helping people live their best lives by tapping into the Source of their truth, power and true desire.

I offer individual mentoring and online programs, and I lead transformational expeditions in nature.