Dear 2020 · Elena Zoe
Who would agree if I said this year has been totally crazy for most of us out there? This is definitely the case for me, as you know if you’ve been following me and reading my blog the last few months.
Within all the challenges of this year though, there were also immense amounts of opportunity, expansion and even in the exemption of these two, there were definitely learnings, insights, and qualities that most of us conscious warriors got to develop this year.
It’s easy to dwell on what hasn’t been going well, what we don’t have or how we’re not where we’re supposed to be yet. It’s easy, and the more you do it the more the negativity around it intensifies. So let’s turn this around! Let’s focus on the good things, the shifts we’ve experienced this year, as a result of the challenges that we faced and had to come up with ways to overcome them.
And if somehow you didn’t experience many challenges this year - lucky you - then this is a great time to look at the collective and feel into the shifts that the whole of humanity is going through. We are all part of it, whether we are personally impacted or not, we are still impacted as part of the collective.
In this series of posts, I will ask some of the most inspiring women in my community to share how this year impacted them and how they’ve turned their challenges into triumphs.
I’ll start with sharing myself to kick off the series!
What are three words you would use to describe 2020?
Mind bending. Enthralling. Transformational.
What is the biggest shift you experienced this year?
When the first lockdown happened at the end of March, my whole world came upside down. What had been already an uncomfortable situation became unbearable in the tiny apartment that I lived with Joren in the middle of Amsterdam’s cute city centre. We had been thinking about buying already, but we had to wait for the right time to come as our business had been too young and we were constantly traveling by that point. But when the lockdown happened and I was suddenly trapped in a place that didn’t feel comfortable with all this noise and super tense energy coming from everyone living so close by in other apartments, I thought this is not on! We have to do something right away, living and having to work there in those circumstances was just a total nightmare.
A seemingly random series of events led us to the viewing of our now new house, which back then was totally not what we were looking for - especially as it was in need of complete renovation that would take two three months at least. We wanted to move immediately, and ideally looking for something ready to move into. But seeing this property and visualising a home there, in the way that I could create it in my mind was incredibly attractive to me. My envisioning power kicked in; I looked beyond the suffering of that moment and further into the future. I saw a brilliant and beautifully comfortable new life in this new space, which would top any other property we found ready to move into.
And so we went for it, and although it was one of the most challenging, enduring, demanding, frustrating, in some parts nerve-racking process I’ve ever been through, the end result is so rewarding that it makes all the suffering vanish in an instant. I would never be so ecstatic as I am now about my new home for some other property decorated by someone else. The sense of satisfaction and accomplishment that I feel every single time I see the bathroom tiles that I spent hours on the internet looking for them, the wooden floor that I oiled myself, the wooden beams on the ceiling that we discovered randomly as we teared down the ceiling.
Moving into this house is the biggest shift of energy I’ve experienced in a long time, since I quit my corporate career three years ago actually. It’s one of those milestone moments, and I feel it has supercharged me for the next phase which is now building my personal business and brand.
What is the biggest learning you’re taking with you?
To trust my gut and what it tells me to do, even though it may not be the most relieving or pleasant option that I have in the moment.
To keep pushing through for what I want, no matter the fear or uncertainty of the unknown that lies ahead.
To not settle for less than what I desire - it pays off in the end, every time.
That’s three for ya!
What is the best thing you accomplished this year?
I feel particularly proud about the creation of my online membership portal, the Home Practice, that I launched with Joren around July.
It’s still blows my mind how we managed to record all these meditations, sound and breath journeys in our tiny noise apartment back then. We had to wake up in the middle of the night and cover ourselves with blankets to record, to make sure that the microphones wouldn’t pick up any noise coming from all corners, neighbours or the street. I can tell you, playing singing bowls under a blanket is really not that comfortable!
By September it was a finished product and we were able to launch it to our entire community, which was SO beautiful to be able to offer something so connecting during this time that people were locked down, sometimes living alone. A few months on and this community has kept me super grounded with the live practice session we have once a month with everyone. So grateful for this creation, which was a total outcome of being locked down.
What is the best thing you did for yourself this year?
I made a decision this year to heavily invest in myself, even though the shift of the pandemic caused a lot of my income to suddenly disappear. (we had to move our Into the wild within nature expeditions to 2021 due to the travel restrictions)
There was definitely fear present, as when finances are low, it makes sense to want to spend less.
But that is only if you’re acting from a place of fear and contraction. Then you feel that you need to defend yourself from an external threat.
I decided to open up to uncertainty and the unknown that lied ahead, and trust in my own growth. I believed that it is when I step into my new expanded version of self, that my finances will grow accordingly. And this has been very true so far.
And so I hired a coach, which is is something that I had been resisting for a long time. I didn’t know who, what or how. But I guess the person came when I was ready for it. Easing into the process of being coached has been so healing for me already; to let go of my ego, be able to accept help, actually be listened to. It’s been three months and now I wouldn’t change my coach for anything in the world. Plus all coaches have coaches - it’s something I learned recently and it makes perfect sense!
And I also invested in some courses, which again I had been resisting because I wasn’t sure on exactly which direction to go towards. But after working with my coach for a couple of months, things started falling into place, and I felt much more confident about my decisions.
The same approach to life - trust in growth from within - also applied when we decided to go for the purchase of a property that needed extensive renovation in a time of compromised finances. It was a very hard decision as there was so much uncertainty around the pandemic situation. But we decided to go ahead, because we knew that the feeling of expansion of the new house would elevate us, and that would lead to expansion in all areas of our life.
How did this year make you grow?
I got to really practice letting go this year. Letting go of my own resistance to life.
Because all of the challenges that presented themselves to me this year had to do with how I perceived them. This is how it works, our internal world defines how we perceive the outer world. So the sudden discomfort I felt in our previous home, brought up a lot of resistance in me to actually feel..because there was so much to feel, and that was hard! And so I went deep into practicing letting go. I had to in order to survive the incredible flush of emotions that I was experiencing.
I learned to do that with a lot of self-awareness meditation and examining my emotions as they came.
It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t pretty, but it was an incredibly cathartic process and now that things are settling with my new home I’m feeling the new space, within and around me, to expand, create and share more of myself with the world.
I notice I’m more grounded, quicker to understand what is present, and quicker to let go of negativity, which helps me to focus on what’s important. I’m a new person - thanks 2020!
What is the best thing you bought this year?
Well, apart from my new home…I would say that is premium access to the Noisil app for sound canceling with nature sounds - saved my life!
Even now in my new house I play this app ALL the time. And I sleep with it on all night long listening to the flowing river and crickets. It has changed my life, best thing ever, totally recommend it.
What is one practice that kept you sane this year?
Journaling, pages and pages and pages, until there was nothing left to write, think, focus on…emptying out.
In the many moments that I felt hopeless this year, especially when trapped in my previous tiny apartment in the middle of the city, my journal proved to be literally my biggest ally. I could just write everything that was in my mind, things that I just didn’t know how to process, what to do with them. Sometimes after a sentence or two, and other times, after a few pages, something would come out in my writing that would bring up the emotion behind my overwhelm. Feeling my emotions as they came was cathartic, and journaling gave me that opportunity to be able to go there more easily in the absence of space or freedom to do other things.
What do you think is one way the world changed in 2020?
It makes me happy to witness in the world of pandemic lockdowns right now the re-assessment of priorities and the opening to possibilities that simply weren’t there before.
I love to see more and more people working from home as the norm now, even if their offices are opening up, causing less traffic, less commuting, more peace of mind and comfort for people to prioritise their wellbeing above all.
I’m shocked and hopeful at the same time seeing the decentralisation of city centres primarily powered by the commute worker, giving life to areas outside with people moving away from cities. This is huge and I feel very excited about the balance this is going to bring economically, socially, and also on an individual level with regards to wellbeing and life quality.
What advice would you give to your Jan 1st 2020 self?
It’s ok to feel like crap! But make sure you focus on the opportunities that lie beyond the discomfort. And keep going.
What are you looking forward to the most in 2021?
I’m very much looking forward to CONNECT with people in my community, both professionally and socially. I feel so ready to create and share with the world, and I want to do this while collaborating, working and engaging with people both in person and virtually.
Create a super homely and comfortable feeling in our new home, with finishing all the things that are still left to do - so much to be done when renovating my god. I absolutely love it!
And spending more time at the beach surfing, going horse riding and being out in nature around our home here in Amsterdam.
ABOUT ELENA ZOE
Welcome to my online portal!
I am a former Googler reborn as conscious & self-aware living advocate.
I speak, write and coach with a passion to help people live their best lives by tapping into the Source of their truth, power and true desire.
I coach one-to-one and through online programs, and I lead transformational expeditions in nature.
Read more about my story here.
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Interview series with inspiring women in my community about turning the challenges of 2020 into triumphs of growth, opportunity and expansion.