Dear 2020 · Kaira van Wijk

The Dear 2020 series meets Kaira van Wijk, my fellow Amsterdammer and dear friend, writer, illustrator and Vogue editor.

I met Kaira in the past year through a women’s community we were both part of. Her style, grace, and almost childlike curiosity for anything that drew her interest was captivating. Throughout the year our relationship has deepened as we share similar values and aspirations of a truly free existence, honest dialogue and intimate human connection.

Deep into the fashion, media and art world, and as a regular contributor for international publications, Kaira frequently writes about and interviews intriguing personalities in art, design, fashion, social and environmental activism. I love and value her willingness to go deep into topics that matter, and explore the different facets of being human through her work.

Next to her writing, she’s a gifted illustrator, and on the fun side she does some excellent tarot reading.

Kaira brings a natural vibe of cool to everything she does and I’m so excited to have her in this series.

Here we go - enjoy!

Elena Zoe xxx

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What are three words you would use to describe 2020?

Resilience, compassion, gratitude, fully realizing how we living beings are all connected (that’s four!)

What is the biggest shift you experienced this year?

To be more compassionate with myself and others.

I can be quite tough on myself, setting the bar really high. This could extend to work, to personal development, to health, to be ‘woke’. But it’s not like all of a sudden you’re ‘woke’, this is a forever process. While actively educating myself it’s not like there’s going to be a point where I know everything and the same goes for the people around me.

I do think it’s really important to open up the conversation, challenge potentially harmful perspectives, but also to respect where someone’s at and is coming from. Division is not going to get us anywhere and in the end we really all want the same thing - love and connection.

Also when I judge someone else I’m actually judging a part of myself. So I try to be more aware of that shadow side and to therefore be more compassionate. That also means being honest with myself; when does something really matter to me personally on a soul level and when is it just my ego playing tricks on me? The ego can be a great motivator but shouldn’t always be holding the reins. 

What is the biggest learning you’re taking with you?

To question the status quo, but also to keep an open heart and to be non-judgemental if possible. Knowing that what we know now might be untrue in 20 or 100 years’ time. In the end we’re all just a tiny speck in the universe just passing through for a very brief moment in time.

This last statement is something I figured out while talking to my brother-in-law who’s very much into quantum physics (if you dive into that matter and zoom out to the scope of the universe you quickly learn how relative everything is really) but also during an interview I did with Holiday Phillips, a remarkable woman who’s a sociologist, organisational consultant, healer, and a sage really. There’s so much going on in the world right now when it comes to the environment and social justice. And yes, it’s so important to look at those things and strive for improvement, but don’t let it overwhelm you. Because then you’ll freeze – at least I do – and you can’t do anything for yourself or others.

Figure out what’s your ‘piece of the pie’. Not everyone’s supposed to be an activist, some of us do ‘silent work’ by talking to our relatives, friends, children and so on. This is also very valuable. What I aim to do now is energetically reflect what I intrinsically believe in. And to enjoy life while I’m still here.

What is the best thing you accomplished this year?

Moving through my fears of being seen – both in my career and in romantic relationships.

I’m usually the one behind-the-scenes, the writer, also writing about what other people’s philosophy is through for instance interviews. I’m quite opinionated one-on-one but I can find it really difficult to, well quite literally, be seen for my vulnerability. Yet I’m on a path now where I just trust myself more and I’m less afraid of other people’s opinions. So when it comes to career for instance, I have really enjoyed working on this new podcast for a brand who asked me to host an interview series, but it also somewhat frightened me when it came out. Such as, what will be the general consensus of me claiming this new space, new outlet?

Yet I just did it and figured there really is nothing to fear as long as I stay within my own truth.

What is the best thing you did for yourself this year?

Investing in my relationship with myself and putting myself out there.

I do this by having a dialogue with myself that’s kind and uplifting. I used to have quite a negative, critical voice in my head, but that shifted entirely – though that started a few years back already. What I’m actually most proud of is that before I could be quite lonely when alone and now I really enjoy my own presence. At the same time, I’m grateful for many amazing people (also new ones that came into my life this past year) who I deeply connect with on a soul level.

I also let go of a few old friends. At first, that felt kind of selfish, but it’s not at all. For both myself and the other it’s best to be in an honest relationship that just ‘flows’ naturally. To give time and energy to people with whom you are energetically aligned with on a deeper level. Otherwise it’s really going to hold you back living out your life to the fullest. 

How did this year make you grow?

With the rise of BLM I have never been exposed to so much knowledge, insights from different parts of the world when it comes to social justice. Insights that were both painful, just an awakening of sorts, but also very beneficial and an opportunity for growth and giving back. I listened, I felt, I acted and I’ll continue to act and stand in my truth.

To me this has been a year in which I have been thinking more about my ancestry which is both Dutch and Indonesian, the colonial past of The Netherlands. Figuring out where I fit in and what I can do to help us move forward in a constructive way.

And apart from that, to just LIVE with as little fear of judgment as possible. There’s always going to be someone who’s going to judge you and that’s perfectly fine – it is what it is. I try not to take myself too seriously and to also keep on laughing (also through the beautiful people I surround myself with) because humour is a great tool for healing as well.

What is the best thing you bought this year?

I’m a big proponent of supporting local businesses. The same goes for fashion.

So I bought a beautiful blouse from Maison Cléo, a mother-and-daughter brand that makes everything in limited quantities from deadstock couture fabrics in France (Europe so close to home).

What is one practice that kept you sane this year?

Journaling right after waking up in the morning and not picking up my phone until I finished journaling and just took a deep breath.

Also getting back into reading fiction with a candle by my bedside before going to sleep. I really love fiction.

Right now I’m rereading Circe by Madeline Miller and another book of hers: The Song of Achilles. These mythical stories actually hold so much wisdom looking at our society today.

Also reading the biography of Igone de Jongh, this extraordinary Dutch ballerina with Indo-Dutch roots like myself.

What do you think is one way the world changed in 2020?

I think we know by now that we’re not separate. We’re really part of one big community, a human family, and it’s really important for us moving forward to take care of each other and the planet we call home.

What advice would you give to your Jan 1st, 2020 self?

Don’t fight it, just let it happen, surrender, take it day by day, trust.

What are you looking forward to the most in 2021?

Truthfully, I really can’t wait to travel again. Even if just in Europe. I’d love to work remotely in Portugal for a month or so, I hope to visit one of my friends in London and to go to a wedding in Mallorca in September with my dear friend from Singapore.

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